Tag: Toilet

How to Operate a Dual Flush Toilet

You would think today’s cartoon has nothing to do with Australia. But you would be wrong. In an effort to conserve water, dual flush toilets have been installed in a whole bunch of places including all the hotels we stayed in. Some, unfortunately, didn’t work as well as others.

For the uninformed, a dual flush toilet has two buttons. One that is a half flush for liquids and the other a full flush for solids. The problem is that in several situations the half flush wasn’t enough to actually flush everything down so it required another push. Usually the second push was the full flush button just to ensure there was no yellow in the bowl. So instead of using half the amount of water to flush, you end up using 50% more than a typical sing flush toilet.

Or maybe it was just operator error.

January 16, 2013
Happiness is a Clean Wipe

It is the little things in life that they always say should make you happy. When the urge to poop comes along, and you are finished with your business, nothing is worse than having to use half a roll of toilet paper to get yourself clean. Happiness is indeed a clean wipe.

I have also made this beauty available as a poster to adorn your bathroom, dorm, or surgical unit.

September 30, 2012
Hallmark Fail

INSIDE: I love you Stinky!!

So I figure if bschooled and I are going into the greeting card business that I should at least get some experience under my belt first. On facebook I stumbled upon the Hallmark Greeting Card Contest page. Their most recent contest had to do with food. You needed to make a Birthday or Love card that incorporated food in some way.

So this was my entry. And it failed. Maybe it was too gross for Hallmark but my wife said she would buy it so at least I have one. Or maybe it has been done before but I don’t think so.

For those who have no idea what the joke is, either you are of the 50% of the population who has pee that doesn’t smell after eating asparagus, you don’t eat asparagus, or you really smell and don’t know it.

Read more on why your pee smells after eating asparagus on the Straight Dope.

May 29, 2011
Things to know when visiting Costa Rica
Normally, when I take a well deserved break from cartooning for a few weeks, I kick my heels up at home and just take a mental break from blogging/internet. But this Christmas, we went away on a trip to Costa Rica. I have been to Belize and Mexico but never had any intestinal issues before. Even in Costa Rica, I kept with the experts advice to only drink the water at the hotels or bottled water. And yet I spent more time in the bathroom than I have in the last six months combined.

But it didn’t keep me from seeing the incredible sites of Costa Rica and experiencing the extremely genuinely nice people of that country. The only thing I missed out on doing was the zip line tour. I didn’t want to have to crap on people from the trees as I swung by…even though I saw a few monkeys do it.

So for anyone preparing a trip to Costa Rica, I offer you the ten things I learned that I didn’t know about this wonderful country before I went.
1. They disbanded their army in 1948
2. More so than other Central American countries, Costa Ricans are mostly of European descent. Some sites claim that disease brought by the Spanish settlers killed off much of the indigenous population.
3. Costa Rican woman have a high self-esteem. Which was explained to us by a guide as we passed a large woman, who may or may not have recently given birth, wearing a bikini.
4. Even in the dry season it rains (a lot).
5. You can find souvenir vendors all over the place but what they don’t sell but need to are battery operated fans and sweat towels.
6. Bob Marley must have been Costa Rican and NOT Jamaican (as evidenced by the number of Marley beach towels and tshirts for sale everywhere.
7. For a country that prides itself on tourism, it doesn’t take much pride in completing roads to get you anywhere. If you are lucky you get a two lane paved road. I saw one road construction worker the entire time I was there, and he was on his lunch break.
8. If you are on a antacid like Nexium, Prilosac, etc., you may be more prone to intestinal issues as the reduced acid in your stomach allows the bacteria to take hold in your stomach.
9. Due to issues with processing toilet paper in water treatment facilities, most public restrooms have a garbage can next to the toilet for you to deposit your used TP. I thought it was surprising that it didn’t smell. My wife said several of the women’s restrooms did. I think men are more courteous and wrap their poopy TP nicer than the women.
10. Given the previous two points, it seems only fitting that they named their currency the COLON.
January 16, 2011
Guest Cartoon: MJ Cartoonist

Today kicks off Holiday Break 2010 where I will be out of pocket for the next few weeks.

I got such a great response to my call for guest cartoons that I will be posting three days a week for the next two weeks. Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. First up is MJ. MJ is both a fellow editorial cartoonist for the National Free Press and also has his very own strip Welcome to the Jungle (it has nothing to do with the Bengals).

I love how his Christmas lights seem to shine on the page and how the ice has frozen over the edge of the cartoon. Thanks MJ and here’s hoping I don’t find a “dump of coal” in my fireplace come Christmas morning.

Here is the full list of Guest Cartoons and when they will appear. As I won’t be around please support all their hard work by leaving comments, visiting their sites and spreading the word on Twitter, Reddit, Facebook etc.

Thur 12/23      MJ of National Free Press
Sun 12/26        Roland Perez of Metal Jaw Comics
Tues 12/28      Tony McGurk of Whatever he is Calling his blog today
Thur 12/30     Colleen Dick of Tix-Comix
Sun 1/2             Ken Drab of Rick the Stick
Tues 1/4           Frank Hansen of Frank Hansen Illustration
Thur 1/6           Aidan Casserly of Scapula
Sun 1/9             George Ford of Addanac City

December 23, 2010
Editorial Cartoon: Obama isn’t Muslim

I rarely have a cartoon on the back burner but this one I originally drew two weeks ago when a poll was released that now 18% of Americans believe that President Barack Obama is Muslim versus his self-professed Christianity.

The absurdity of this pushed me to draw the above as it is like saying anyone that is circumcised is Jewish.

(My wife got the joke immediately but then wondered if some might take offense as if I was implying that Jewish men may not be endowed. I told her I hadn’t heard that stereotype and besides aren’t there many Jewish men in porn including including Seymour Butts and Ron Jeremy?)

September 26, 2010
A Day in My Life

Noel over at DJBogtrotter and Miltons Life has decided to issue a challenge calling May 14 Dialogue Free Webcomics Day. Well I know I am 6 weeks early but I couldn’t resist this image because it reflects my day last Sunday.

The day started with me waking up to find that one of our cats had puked in 12 different places all over the house. I am squeamish when it comes to this stuff so I have to choke back my own vomit whenever I clean up vomit (or change the cat litter).  Usually if it was in one place I would act like I didn’t see it and wait for the wife to clean it up. But in twelve spots, I knew I had to man up and make it a team effort.

Afterwards, I went about my day eating breakfast, showering (which is important to note as we will come back to this later) and then going shopping. I got a new workout shirt and a new belt. I needed the belt desperately as mine was falling apart so I wasted no time putting it on in the store.

Early in the afternoon, as I tend to do several times a day, I sat down on the toilet to do what men do when they sit on the toilet. Suddenly I was overcome by the atrocious smell of putrid salmon.   Covering my face with my shirt, I looked all around the bathroom to see if we possibly missed some cat vomit in our clean up efforts. I knew the smell was somewhere in the bathroom but I couldn’t figure out where.

All seemed normal until later that day I had to go again; this time I went into a different bathroom. Once again the smell overcame me. As I leaned over toward the air-vent the smell become stronger. I called out to my wife to stick her head in the air-vent and see if the smell could be coming from the furnace. She said no.

To my horror, I realized that if it wasn’t the cat and it wasn’t the furnace, then it must be me. It can’t be me. I just showered that morning. Yet here I was leaning over on the toilet trying to smell my crotch to determine if indeed it was.   I feared I had some form of Salmon Crotch Disease. Was it curable? Would I smell like this the rest of my life?

I tore off each piece of clothing to get a better smell and lo and behold it was my DAMN NEW BELT. Yes folks my brand new Gap belt smells of salmon. I’ll be taking it back this weekend and hopefully it was a one time thing.

A day in my life.

March 26, 2010
Is Google all up in your Shit?

Great video from the guys at SuperNews.

January 10, 2010
Coffee, Tea or Depends

I worked on this editorial cartoon before I read that they are pulling back on the regulations but it still is a harsh reminder of how the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) can have a knee jerk reaction.

After the failed terror attempt on a Northwest Flight last week the following regulations went into effect for international flights:
Limiting international passengers to a single carry-on bag
Second-round security checks, including manual pat downs and body searches
On certain flights, disabling the map showing the plane’s progress and location
Prohibiting passengers from having blankets or pillows in their laps for the last hour of the flight
Requiring passengers to remain seated for the last hour of the flight

Now I have no problem with any of those things to promote security EXCEPT for the last one. It is at the point in the flight that they say I can’t get up for the bathroom, that I tend to always have to go. There were domestic flights that I took after 9/11 that they told us we would not be able to get up during the flight (less than 2 hours) so we had better go to the bathroom before boarding. Of course that was after I chugged a bottle of water.

When those of us with weak bladders and spastic colons are hindered in our ability to go when needed, then and only then have the terrorists really won.

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December 30, 2009