Hallmark Fail
INSIDE: I love you Stinky!!
So I figure if bschooled and I are going into the greeting card business that I should at least get some experience under my belt first. On facebook I stumbled upon the Hallmark Greeting Card Contest page. Their most recent contest had to do with food. You needed to make a Birthday or Love card that incorporated food in some way.
So this was my entry. And it failed. Maybe it was too gross for Hallmark but my wife said she would buy it so at least I have one. Or maybe it has been done before but I don’t think so.
For those who have no idea what the joke is, either you are of the 50% of the population who has pee that doesn’t smell after eating asparagus, you don’t eat asparagus, or you really smell and don’t know it.
Read more on why your pee smells after eating asparagus on the Straight Dope.
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My wife has a nose like a hound dog when it comes to discerning difference in urine odor. To me, pee smells like pee. For her, she can just about tell you what you’ve recently eaten by the smell of it.
I like your card, so you can say you’d sell two of them.
She needs to get a new job. Maybe she can work crime scenes and find out where the victim ate right before he got killed.
Just hope you aren’t a fan of limburger and salmon or she is in trouble.
Did you hear from them? I submitted something awhile back for the contest, and haven’t heard anything. That being said, I think it doesn’t start until June. I didn’t go through Facebook, I went directly to the contest on their website.
I have a dog peeing on a gopher, so I hope I get through.
They only contact the winners and I know based on their facebook page they have already contacted the ones who won.
Um, you guys smell your own pee? Classy!!!!
Funny thing, I never noticed the effects of asparagus until my wife asked my out of the blue one day if asparagus made my pee smell. Never noticed it. Now I can’t unnotice it.
Hallmark didn’t pick this?!
Acting all high and mighty… like their pee doesn’t stink? Grrrr!
Can you infiltrate their board and get me in?
Ha! I don’t think I could successfully infiltrate their lobby…
Just bring alot of your pretty pictures and distract them.
Or scare the sweet greetings right out of ‘em!
That would be a good way to create a diversion, anyway!
It was probably a bit too earthy for Hallmark.
Now if nastycards inc was having a contest I’d enter my dog poop/peanut butter strip.
Is that like a reese cup?
I can tell now this is gonna get weird in hurry. I don’t eat asparagus and I am not a urine sniffer though just for the record.
Trust me if it has that effect on you, it is not like you have to stick your head in the toilet bowl to find out.
My wife also says she can smell the difference when our family eats seafood. I can’t tell it though, and I ain’t really trying.
Your wife needs to keep her nose out of everyone else’s business.
Two green vegetable posts in a row. I wonder if you’re trying to smell me something?
I am trying to give you your more vegetables that the doctor required you take in.
haha… I like this one bearman. I’d not only buy the card I’d eat the asparagus. Though maybe not the asparagus wife, she appears to be too bendy, I like mine crisp
Yeah after I was done I thought maybe I drew her too far into the toilet but then I thought, she is an asparagus; it is not like she has butt cheeks to keep her on top of the toilet.
I didn’t know asparagus shave?
They do get quite hairy.
only the ones who are married to ones that wears lipstick.
At least he isn’t giving up.
I never knew asparagus could be so funny. Well done for tackling one of the more controversial vegetables.
Wait till you see my kale cartoon.
More vegetables! You’re trying to kill us!
I know…you wombats only like chocolate.
Kale? Oh crap I need to go check the fridge. Damn! I let the kale rot again. I always intend to eat it really I do.
Who eats Kale anyway?
Well, it’s not like you have spicy hot dogs taking a dump…
Trying hard to think of a tagline for that one.
I think it’s a great card and Hallmark just doesn’t have a sense of humor.
On another note, ever notice why women sit on the commode with their legs together and men sit with their legs spread apart? Why is that?
Because we have something in the way of us sitting with our legs together maybe???
I don’t eat asparagus that often, but when I do, this phenomenon disturbs me greatly.
There is a disturbance in the force….no, that is just Brad peeing again.
What the #^@(!!! Ha,ha,ha!
Don’t act like it doesn’t happen to you.
You’d think with the name it has, it’d smell like “ass” aparagus! Either way, I no like it! …the veggie, not the comic, the comic is HIL-arious! =)
I used to love it as a kid, hate it later and now like it depending on how it is prepared.
HAHA!! There are no words to express the love I have for this.
ps. Swear to God I was just coming to visit you when I saw your comment on my site.
If that’s not a sign that our greeting card business is meant to be, than I don’t know what is.
You just have to start working on the printing and distribution side. I’ll await your instructions.
I wonder why Hallmark didn’t pick you. Your food-related cards are legendary. They are also educational. In this iteration, we learn about the odorific properties of asparagus.
Isn’t this my first food related card?? I am already a legend.
That was kinda funny. Send this to those gag card companies. They might take it.
I thought Hallmark was a gag card company? haha
I hate asparagus so I haven’t experienced the smelly pee. Great card though. I would buy it for my wife.
Are you saying she eats asparagus or is smelly??
They may say fail. That is a definite win! Hilarious!
Thanks Valerie. And thanks for stopping by.
Here in Britannia we are coming to the end of this year’s “grass” season (yes that’s what the locals call it in Worcestershire where they grow THE VERY BEST) and my wife recently offered a variation on this magnificent cartoon. Does the denseness of the whiffy urine sniff correlate with the tastiness of the original “grass”?
Hold on a second. We are talking about food right?
Honest, guv, would I pull your chain?
I thought everyone knew about this. It was even used as a joke in one of the Austin Powers movies as a gag. I think it was the 3rd movie. Sorry Hallmark turned you down. They probably thought the image of being on the toliet was too much for a Hallmark card but I think you are on to something. I have thought of doing one of their contest myself. Need to give it a try too.
Check it out. I think the Valentine one is coming up next. If you win I get my 20% agent fee. haha
fourth option: OR you don’t make it a point to sniff your pee.
Again, if yours smells, you can’t help but notice it. It isn’t like people are sticking their head in the toilet.
This is so strange. I had never heard of “Asparagus Pee” until our neighbors told us about it two weeks ago. There are times when I’ve said to myself “Yowza, what’s that odor” but never associated it with a certain food. I haven’t had asparagus in the past two weeks, but when I do, I’ll make sure to pay close attention!
Give us a full report. Isn’t it funny how you don’t hear about something and then can’t escape it once you do?
It needs to be fairly raw too. I was eating a lot of it last weekend, and it was fairly raw, and then I went pee and smelled it. Yep, asparagus pee. I don’t normally smell it, I think, because I usually cook the asparagus more. Also, I rarely sniff my own urine. I don’t know why, but it’s just not one of those things I’m in to. Anyway, in this case I didn’t have to lean down and suck a bunch of toilet air in to get the aroma, it was strong enough standing several feet back.
I guess if you cook it too much, the smell stays in the water.
Did you enter the scratch-n-sniff version to Hallmark?
Think that is what sent them over the edge??
Hahahahahahaha, asparagus and pee jokes are always funny
I don’t know many asparagus jokes..ha
Don’t wet your asparagus. I got the joke right away but I don’t think I would have brought this card. Maybe if you had two asparagus guys at the urinals. Maybe not.
Remember the inside said “I love you stinky” That would give the card a whole new meaning with two guys at a urinal. haha
I stay clear of asparagus. Coffee causes bad odor also.
Breathe or pee?
I can’t believe you didn’t win…I’m serious! This is my favorite! I would buy this card.
OK…I am going to hold you to that.
Frankly, I find the thought of peeing in front of someone –especially one’s spouse/significant other– a rather disturbing one. Do people do that? O.o
Aside from that, it’s pretty funny as a greeting card. I think you should go with the Two-guys-at-the-urinals card, too, so everyone can enjoy an “I love you, Stinky” moment. Ha ha!
yes…they do. ha
Hallmark said my entry was “not appropriate.” The front had a pile of poo-poo and the inside read, “…And you thought I didn’t give a s*it”
What is inappropriate about that?
If Hallmark doesn’t pick this one, then I swear to god I’ll never buy another card from them again in my entire life.
Well they already DID NOT pick this one.