Robin Hood is in the news this week because Robinhood the online “free commission and investing app” is in the news because a group of redditors got one over on big hedge funds looking to short the stock. For the uninformed this article has a great explanation of what shorting a stock is.
One of my favorite animated Disney movies is the 1973 version of Robin Hood where all the characters are animals. There is a running dialogue if Robin is a good guy or bad guy and at one point Robin says “Rob? That’s a naughty word. We never rob! We just…sort of borrow a bit from those that can afford it.” Given the current situation it seems this question is true for Robinhood the app. Is it a good thing or bad thing.
On one hand, it has allowed young investors get into the game without high commission fees on trades. This became the platform of choice for users of the sub reddit r/WallStreeBets to purchase Game Stop stock and drive up the price thus screwing up the hedge funds who were shorting the stock. On the other hand, as the price of Game Stop stock soared, Robinhood attempted to halt the speculation by first stopping all trades and then only allowing their user to sell the stock which once again benefited the hedge fund investors.
So is Robinhood (the app) the good guy or the bad guy?
The story goes that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. President Trump seemingly is doing the same because he is a sore loser and can’t imagine he would ever lose anything.
So it is now November 4, 2020 and as expected neither President Trump nor Vice President Biden has locked in the Presidency for the next four years. So we wait, and argue, and wait and point fingers. Sigh.
When President Donald Trump needs a plan sometimes it comes to him Yeezy Peasy.
Back in 2015 Kanye West stated at the MTV Music Awards that he would run for President of the United States in 2020. Five years later his good friend Donald Trump is President and the numbers don’t look so “bigly” for his reelection campaign. So how would you try to pull away votes from your opponent Joe Biden. Best thing to do is target those who overwhelmingly identify as Democrats (and wouldn’t be voting for Trump anyway) such as Millennials and African Americans by given them another option. Which led to this announcement from West this week:
Obviously Kanye is joking and isn’t running because IMO there is no way he can get enough boots on the ground to get on the ballot as a third party candidate (unless he plans only write-in). But conspiracy theorists are talking.
WARNING: This post is a unfiltered and at times graphic representation of hemorrhoids and the surgical process to get them removed. If you at all uncomfortable with frank language and bodily descriptions just look at the pretty picture and move on.
What I am about to share is personal and probably an embarrassing topic for most people. I went back and forth on creating this post but if my own experience helps one person I don’t care about being the “butt” of other’s jokes.
Background:
I have suffered from hemorrhoids for years. Personally I blame my father. Well yes it is genetic but also as a kid we used to take trips to historical places. Walking so long I would run ahead and find a statue base or wall to sit on to give my aching feet a rest. Dad told me that sitting on all that marble would give me hemorrhoids. So I did it more to spite his obvious joke. Well jokes on me. (Before you go off, no I really don’t believe sitting on marble creates hemorrhoids but it is a good story)
When I first got them I had other medical complications that forced me to strain more than I should when going to the bathroom. Over the years I have learned to manage it with diet changes and dealing with the other medical problems. No longer did I fear going to bathroom. Periodically though I still get the pain or blood when pooping, irritation when sitting too long, or itching. But for the past 10 years I have managed it without much issue. That was until about 8 months ago when one of my rhoid friends decided to pop his head out of my ass crack. It didn’t hurt more than normal and I expected it to pop back into his warm home. But he didn’t. So for the first time I actually decided to make an appointment with a specialist to make sure I didn’t have an ass cancer tumor or something that wasn’t hemorrhoid related.
So he said it was just an external hemorrhoid. He gave me three options. Do nothing, an in office local anesthesia procedure where he ties it off and removes it (high likelihood it would grow back) or general anesthesia surgery and remove it all. Based on his suggestion, and the worry that if I waited 20 years until I was older and in not as good of shape to recover, I went with surgery (something 4 weeks later I am still questioning my decision but I’ll save that for later)
If you aren’t familiar at all with hemorrhoids, I decided I would draw a cartoon of what it is like to poop at the worst when you have them.
Things to Buy/Prep Before Surgery
First and foremost do you have a bathtub in your house or is there one somewhere you can stay for the two weeks that has one? Every poop after surgery is painful and sometimes the only relief is sitting in a warm tub for 10-20 minutes.
Do you have a spare bathroom (with a tub) that you can declare as your own. Poops will come fast and often. You want to have that tub running before sitting down so you need a clear path. Beyond that I don’t care how sexy your partner may think you are. The sounds and smells coming from your body will turn anyone off (including yourself ).
Buy a Squatty Potty You will have to contort your body in all kinds of ways to poop after surgery. Having this to either prop your feet on or lean over and press down with your hands will be key.
Poise Pads or similar. They will probably give you something similar after surgery but by no means will they be enough. Your underwear will thank you.
Underwear to hold the poise pad. So if you are a boxer wearer, maybe get some boxer briefs that aren’t loose. Alternatively what you walk out of surgery wearing are what to my horror I realized are Post Partem Underwear
Surgery Day
I won’t go too deep into the surgery as it is similar to most surgeries. Day of surgery I woke up at 4AM because they said I had to do an enema before surgery and never having done one I didn’t want to wake up too late and be holding in the poops on the drive to surgery. Due to Covid 19 restrictions my wife had to drop me off at the surgical center at 6AM and leave. This was a little distressing as I don’t recall ever having general anesthesia so she wouldn’t be there when I woke up.
After prepping me the last thing I remember is being wheeled into surgery and them asking if I could move over to the surgical table. The next thing I remember I am sitting fully clothed eating crackers and holding a plastic bag wondering why my underwear was in it. (Remember I didn’t know I would be leaving with Post Partem underwear).
They say the first two days after surgery are the worst. THEY LIED!! I was so numb back there I could have pooped my spleen and not realized it. With one exception; in the release notes they gave my wife:
If Patient doesn’t urinate with 8 hours you must bring him back to the hospital to be Catheterized.
Wait WHAT? I never had a problem peeing (well expect having shy bladder in public urinals when there is a line of people waiting right behind me). But I did that day. It was like they took my wiener and kinked it like a garden hose. It felt like you get a tiny bit out but it burned so bad because there was more waiting in the hose.
And let’s be real, the fear of catheterization will make you do anything to pee. Drink lots of water, put your hand under warm water, pour warm water on your junk, or even sit in the tub and return to your 3 year old self and just let loose in the warm tub water. That was just the start of hell week and it was only day one. The trouble urinating a full normal pee lasted at least a week. Anytime your anus throbbed it was like there was a direct line to the penis and it wanted to share in the pain.
The Recovery
Day 2: Woke up 4 plus pounds heavier than I did the morning of surgery. All those gasses and meds they pumped in me I guess. I tried to stay ahead of the pain with Motrin every six hours. Days 1 and 2 seemed to work and I felt like I could kick this thing without using the prescription drugs. And then….
Day 3: Whatever drugs were in me from the surgery had finally worn off and the pain level shot up. I called my doctor to see if I was allowed to use preparation H to ease some of the throbbing which thankfully he said yes. Even farting hurt because it was like they emptied out more area inside my butt for gas to fill up the space and there was a lot of pressure that I hadn’t felt before. So you have to fart to release the painful pressure but again, you just had ass surgery, NEVER TRUST A FART. That’s what the tight underwear and poise pads are for…though I pretty much just went to the bathroom.
Day 4-5: These were the worst. Pain all day. Broke down and took the opioids I was prescribed. Sadly two days of taking those regularly and I felt no better and just seemed off.
Days 6-10: Thought I would be back at work full time but had to let my boss know I could only work half days. Either you were sleeping, pooping, or bathing because you just pooped and trying to relax the pain. My lovely wife who was so caring the first several days started to be disgusted every time the bath started running. And did it run. Even though I wasn’t eating much, I was going to the bathroom constantly. Might be because of taking 2 stool softeners and a dose of Metamucil daily. Not diarrhea!! Just lots of painful poops (upwards of 6-7 times a day). So lots of baths. One the plus side I lost the 4 surgery lbs and was down 4 more.
Days 11-14: The pain throughout the day finally subsides but three things hurt: Sneezing, farting, and pooping. And of course I was doing all three way more than normal.
Day 15: They said it was a two week recovery. Again they lied!! Day 15 was the first day I didn’t have to get in the tub after pooping and I felt like I could leave the house without fear of having to run to the bathroom.
However, now I have the opposite problem. Haven’t taken a pain pill in the two weeks since but now this 2-3 times a day pooper is only going once in the morning and it is harder to get out of me. Going to the doctor for a follow up next week so we will see but here is the…
“Bottom” Line (hehe get it?)
If you don’t fear the pain of going to the bathroom, I DO NOT recommend you get the surgery.
Because damn if you won’t fear it for the first weeks of recovery. Maybe I will change my mind in another month but that is my thought right now. The good news I can proudly tell my wife I am a little less of an asshole than I was a month ago and as my brother-in-law reminds me, it is all “behind”
The term “Black Lives Matter” seems to strum up very emotional feelings lately with the demonstrations and unrest related to the death of George Floyd. Since 2013 it has been used as a rallying slogan and yet there are those who either don’t see or refuse to see the meaning behind it and limit their response to “All Lives Matter”. They do but as in the cartoon the phrase “Black Lives Matter” doesn’t mean only black lives matter or that black lives matter more. It is that black lives have to matter too!!
Now just some random thoughts on my take on current events:
When you ask someone to explain their worldview it doesn’t mean it is wrong because it doesn’t line up with your own narrative or experience. Open healthy dialogue is what is needed not bloviating why they are wrong.
Support the notion that Black Lives Matter does not at all mean that you or any other supporters are not supporters of the police. Yes the percentage of bad cops is small but why not create ways to either make them better cops or get them out of the way of the cops who are doing good? During the church scandal the number of priests who were doing bad things was very small but because the systems were in place not to proactively deal with the bad apples for way too long, the church and good priests are still trying to recover. Same with the police. I know very good police officers who want nothing to do with the negative things going on but the systems they are a part of don’t allow for pushing back to make other cops responsible.
If you believe in the concept that “All Lives Matter”, there has to be a recognition of police forces that things can and should be better. Better training to apprehend suspects and once in custody better training to reestablish the officers ability to back away from their emotions of the situation and ensure everyone is safe. And again looking at the systems in place. Whether we believe the other officers on hand at the scene should be responsible, what is it in the environment of that police force that kept them from speaking out against the actions of Derek Chauvin at the scene.
You can separate support of the “Black Lives Matter” movement from those groups/websites who have tried to organize under that banner who may have different motives.
Finally, white people who are out demonstrating should have respect but those out there looting and rioting are the epitome of White Privilege. Whether your actions are opportunistic or trying to incite others, you personally and you collectively won’t have the pay the consequences of continued racist beliefs and actions in this country.
The three bits of advice when I first started working were:
Live within your means
If your company has a 401K, maximize it
Work towards having an “Emergency Fund” of at least 6 months to pay rent, utilities, food etc just in case the worst happens.
I, and many of you may have done so but what about the corporations in America. Two weeks in to a Coronavirus Quarantine and many larger companies have their hand outs to the government saying that the work stoppage may bankrupt them. Where is their emergency fund?
As of today the Coronavirus has done what no other foreign or domestic threat has done in over 100 years. Created so much fear that the markets are tanking, sporting events are being cancelled, and travel restrictions have been put in place. With all that regular folk are scrambling for some control.
Unfortunately what that has culminated in is a run (no pun intended) on the toilet paper aisle. But you know who we should all be buying stock in? Cottonelle. Seems like even direct to consumer sellers of TP have been seeing 200%+ rise in sales in the last several weeks.
And if all else fails for you, the last time I was at the supermarket there were plenty of adult diapers on hand.
The world must be ending because the Coronavirus is all over the news and I am actually posting a cartoon. The Coronavirus may possibly be the next Swine Flu. The question is does drinking copious amounts of alcohol (Corona included) improve your chances of getting a virus or lower it? Not sure but science says alcohol consumption might actually keep a virus in your system longer or make the issue worse.
As for Lyme disease…just stay out of the woods when drinking and you should be OK.
