Bearman Cartoon: How Elvis Died

Bearman Cartoon - How Elvis Died

Along with Monday’s post, this makes my second entry into Dialogue Free Comics Day.  Check out some other entries.

I was all excited when I heard this story last week and several days went by without the Loonpicking up on the story (cause the girl has every tabloid on her RSS reader).  But then friggin Duncan had to post it on Mad Hatters.   While it is old news that Elvis suffered from constipation, it has recently been openly discussed by his personal physician the issues he had with it.

Seems it wasn’t the drugs or the peanut butter and fried chicken sandwiches that did him in, but rather constipation.  See Elvis couldn’t take a normal healthy constitution.  In fact he went days nay weeks without so much as a rabbit turd making its way to the sewers.  All that weight gain was caused by a failure to clean the bowels.  In fact pictures taken weeks apart would show Elvis looking like he either gained or lost 20 lbs depending on if he could relieve himself.

Personally when I strain I think I am going to have a stroke…but lo and behold he went and strained so much for so long that his heart finally gave out.

Back then I guess Immodium wasn’t so popular and he could have had a colostomy but he feared pooping himself onstage and unfortunately vanity did not serve him well.  His autopsy revealed his colon was way bigger than the norm and they found 4-5 month old feces still in him.  YUCK.

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Comments

61 responses to “Bearman Cartoon: How Elvis Died”

  1. Scott Oglesby Avatar

    I’m surprised that anyone is surprised by this;; constipation is one of the worst side effects of heavy opiate use. And I think he was on around 11 opiates of his 17 prescriptions. Isn’t his doctor still in jail?

    Have you ever seen or heard of Jesco White; The Last Dancing Outlaw?

    1. Bearman Avatar

      However it seems he suffered from it his entire life. I know if I was walking around with a weeks worth of shit in my system I would need some strong opiates to stand the pain.

      1. Tracy Brady Avatar

        the plumbing is always the fist to go when one is becoming or IS seriously ill.. ecspecially among women… it’s soooo scary. Colon health should seriously be focussed on for people older than age 25, int he same what they have ads for fighting crime and eating cheese.

        1. Bearman Avatar

          That’s why I take my fiber.

    2. lynn Avatar

      thank you scott, if only i had read your comment BEFORE i said the same thing…

  2. dave hambidge Avatar

    Bearman, just to be sure, the logo between the 2 elvis images is a minus sign? I saw it as a “goes to arrow” in which case the cartoon still works, I think. You’re playing with us again!

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Minus sign!!

  3. Duncanr Avatar

    Pieces faeces of my life

    or

    I got a feeling in my body

    or

    There goes my everything

    1. Bearman Avatar

      He wishes his everything would go.

  4. jill Avatar

    Thanks Bear for enlightening us on that tidbit of tabloidism. Poor Elvis.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Someone obviously didn’t like it because I am down 1 person on Facebook.hahah

      1. lynn Avatar

        you got defriended over this post? what kind of person would do that? i’m gonna go comb thoguh your friend list right now..it was susi spice wasnt it?

        1. Bearman Avatar

          It’s all good esp since I just noticed that not only did I get Don Mills to follow me but I also got the elusive Ram as well.

          1. lynn Avatar

            8) YOU GOT DON MILLS TO FOLLOW YOU?? i didn’t think he followed anyone, usually folks follow him! got to check this ram guy out too, he must be somethin’ special too.

          2. Bearman Avatar

            Ram is just a whisper in the wind. He used to own a convenience store and blog about it and then he got arrested for trying to save his clerk from a cult and it became a prison blog. Once he was released (or escaped) he fell out of sight.

          3. nursemyra Avatar

            We all miss Ram 🙁

            *sob*

        2. susispice Avatar

          lol i didnt defriend bearman… i havent even friended him lol

          dammit i want ppl to chase ME not me chase them! 😛

          1. Bearman Avatar

            You need to make yourself as available as I have made myself.

  5. Friggin Loon Avatar

    I’m guessing his penis shrunk Bearman?

    Blue suede poos
    A Little Less Constipation
    That’s when your heart attack begins
    Jailhouse plop
    Crying in the crapper
    Don’t be stool
    Easy Come, not so Easy Go
    It’s Now or Never
    Whole lot of shaking going on

    1. Bearman Avatar

      “Little Less Constipation” is probably one of your funniest lines yet.

    2. lynn Avatar

      loon, i see you’re on your A-Game with this comment! they’re great!! 🙂

    3. susispice Avatar

      i was trying to think of same stuff lol but loon your years of experience before mine beat me to it!

      1. Bearman Avatar

        Don’t worry…some day you will be as old and raggedy as the loon.

        1. jammer5 Avatar

          Nobody could be that old and ragged . . . well, there is myself, dang it.

  6. lynn Avatar

    OMG, 4-5 months?? damn. one of the side effects of narcotics is, you guessed it constipation..dont believe me? ask dr.dave hambidge. (i wanna throw in a smiley face but it doesnt seem appropriate)

    1. Bearman Avatar

      The whole emoticon thing will come up next week thanks to Dave and Scott.

  7. Friggin Loon Avatar

    Imagine the mess if it finally budged. It would kinda be like a balloon losing all it’s air 🙁 . Blahahahahaahahahahhaha Bearman you should have put Fat Elvis – poop = skinny Elvis

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Well I did mention there were times he looked like he lost 20 lbs b/c he was finally able to take a dump.

  8. Bo Lumpkin Avatar

    Well in the words of Lewis Grizzard, “Elvis is dead, and I don’t feel too good either.” One thing for sure, Elvis will never “pass” this way again.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Elvis was at Dunkin Donuts this morning.

  9. SpilledInkGuy Avatar

    I would say something about being the ‘king of rock-n-the-stool’ (or block-n-the-stool) , but that just seems too disrespectful …

    Sorry … it just kinda’ slipped out … d’oh … faux pas number two … d’oh …
    🙂

    1. Bearman Avatar

      “Number two” that makes Three!!!

  10. DadaHyena Avatar

    This one made me think: I made a cartoon way back when in my college paper called “Tupac-Man”, a Pac-Man parody that ended with one of the ghosts shooting him down.

    Some people got upset, and I can kind of understand why, since ‘speaking ill of the departed’ (or drawing stoopud cartoons) is kind of low, but still Elvis jokes continue to this day. Are we just being selective about who we get to make jokes about (some sort of secret criteria list), or is it something else entirely?

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I think the longer someone has been dead the more accepting there are to make jokes (except for Michael Jackson – those jokes started immediately)

  11. Dan Long Avatar

    Hah, what a grossly funny cartoon.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      That is usually how I am described.

  12. Steve Avatar

    Because of comics like this one… Elvis Lives!!! I couldn’t resist. Keep up the good work.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Thanks Steve. Nice to see you over here.

  13. lynn Avatar

    look, i’m not a big elvis fan- never was…but this post will seem sacriligious to some people… just how many friends are you willing to lose? youre a brave man!

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Well obviously at least one. I might have to keep track of who comes and goes on FB. haha

  14. George Avatar

    I had never heard that about Elvis, but it makes sense, though. You can do all sorts of damage straining. And with that much old fecal fodder still inside? Yeah, those opiates can bind you up forever until you feel like you’re giving birth to a solid-chocolate bowling ball. 🙁

    Or so I’ve read over the internet.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I don’t do opiates and in my younger days had some bowling ball sized poops. Must have been too much overeating at the chinese buffet.

      1. nursemyra Avatar

        How are your hemorrhoid now bearman?

        1. nursemyra Avatar

          hemorrhoidS is what I meant to say

  15. FJ Avatar

    All that and he wore a cape!!!

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Maybe the cape hid poop stains

  16. bschooled Avatar

    HAHAHAHA!!

    Like Elvis/Rudy always says, “I’m Just Kidding”

    Good one, Bearman…Funny, yet containing a healthy dose of gross.

  17. jammer5 Avatar

    I remember after one operation, where pain was intense, I used prescription narcotics and got so constipated, I cramped up like I was dying. So no wonder Elvis swung his hips so much.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Good point Jams. Maybe he was shaking to try and get the bowels moving.

  18. Evan N. Avatar

    You sure know how to make a legend look glamorous. Haha

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I try Evan…I try. thanks for stopping by.

  19. Dixie Avatar

    Fat Elvis – Skinny Elvis = Peanut Butter???
    Great toon Bearman

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Dixie you’ll eat anything and think it is peanut butter. Heck you eat your own poop.

      1. Dixie Avatar

        I do not eet my own poopys. I am a Poodle ov distinkshun, I ownly eet nys moo cow meet & chikin meet & sheepy meet & piggy meet & vejjymite samwijes that I mooch off Daddy & choklit but ownly doggy choklit becorz hyooman choklit is bad for dogs

        1. Dixie Avatar

          wot hapend to my pikcha???

          1. Dixie Avatar

            OK this is a test komment, it shood werk now, silly Daddy chaynjd my eemayl adres & dident chaynj it in werdpress

          2. Bearman Avatar

            He needs to set up an avatar for you.

  20. Tony Avatar

    Doh!!! That was my comment but I am on my work computer which was styill logged in to WP as Dixie…

    1. Bearman Avatar

      What? Dixie comes to work with you?