Bearman Cartoon: How Elvis Died

Bearman Cartoon - How Elvis Died

Along with Monday’s post, this makes my second entry into Dialogue Free Comics Day.  Check out some other entries.

I was all excited when I heard this story last week and several days went by without the Loonpicking up on the story (cause the girl has every tabloid on her RSS reader).  But then friggin Duncan had to post it on Mad Hatters.   While it is old news that Elvis suffered from constipation, it has recently been openly discussed by his personal physician the issues he had with it.

Seems it wasn’t the drugs or the peanut butter and fried chicken sandwiches that did him in, but rather constipation.  See Elvis couldn’t take a normal healthy constitution.  In fact he went days nay weeks without so much as a rabbit turd making its way to the sewers.  All that weight gain was caused by a failure to clean the bowels.  In fact pictures taken weeks apart would show Elvis looking like he either gained or lost 20 lbs depending on if he could relieve himself.

Personally when I strain I think I am going to have a stroke…but lo and behold he went and strained so much for so long that his heart finally gave out.

Back then I guess Immodium wasn’t so popular and he could have had a colostomy but he feared pooping himself onstage and unfortunately vanity did not serve him well.  His autopsy revealed his colon was way bigger than the norm and they found 4-5 month old feces still in him.  YUCK.

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61 Responses to “Bearman Cartoon: How Elvis Died”

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  1. I’m surprised that anyone is surprised by this;; constipation is one of the worst side effects of heavy opiate use. And I think he was on around 11 opiates of his 17 prescriptions. Isn’t his doctor still in jail?

    Have you ever seen or heard of Jesco White; The Last Dancing Outlaw?

    • Bearman says:

      However it seems he suffered from it his entire life. I know if I was walking around with a weeks worth of shit in my system I would need some strong opiates to stand the pain.

      • Tracy Brady says:

        the plumbing is always the fist to go when one is becoming or IS seriously ill.. ecspecially among women… it’s soooo scary. Colon health should seriously be focussed on for people older than age 25, int he same what they have ads for fighting crime and eating cheese.

    • lynn says:

      thank you scott, if only i had read your comment BEFORE i said the same thing…

  2. Bearman, just to be sure, the logo between the 2 elvis images is a minus sign? I saw it as a “goes to arrow” in which case the cartoon still works, I think. You’re playing with us again!

  3. Duncanr says:

    Pieces faeces of my life


    I got a feeling in my body


    There goes my everything

  4. jill says:

    Thanks Bear for enlightening us on that tidbit of tabloidism. Poor Elvis.

    • Bearman says:

      Someone obviously didn’t like it because I am down 1 person on Facebook.hahah

      • lynn says:

        you got defriended over this post? what kind of person would do that? i’m gonna go comb thoguh your friend list right was susi spice wasnt it?

        • Bearman says:

          It’s all good esp since I just noticed that not only did I get Don Mills to follow me but I also got the elusive Ram as well.

          • lynn says:

            8) YOU GOT DON MILLS TO FOLLOW YOU?? i didn’t think he followed anyone, usually folks follow him! got to check this ram guy out too, he must be somethin’ special too.

          • Bearman says:

            Ram is just a whisper in the wind. He used to own a convenience store and blog about it and then he got arrested for trying to save his clerk from a cult and it became a prison blog. Once he was released (or escaped) he fell out of sight.

          • nursemyra says:

            We all miss Ram 🙁


        • susispice says:

          lol i didnt defriend bearman… i havent even friended him lol

          dammit i want ppl to chase ME not me chase them! 😛

  5. Friggin Loon says:

    I’m guessing his penis shrunk Bearman?

    Blue suede poos
    A Little Less Constipation
    That’s when your heart attack begins
    Jailhouse plop
    Crying in the crapper
    Don’t be stool
    Easy Come, not so Easy Go
    It’s Now or Never
    Whole lot of shaking going on

  6. lynn says:

    OMG, 4-5 months?? damn. one of the side effects of narcotics is, you guessed it constipation..dont believe me? ask dr.dave hambidge. (i wanna throw in a smiley face but it doesnt seem appropriate)

  7. Friggin Loon says:

    Imagine the mess if it finally budged. It would kinda be like a balloon losing all it’s air 🙁 . Blahahahahaahahahahhaha Bearman you should have put Fat Elvis – poop = skinny Elvis

  8. Bo Lumpkin says:

    Well in the words of Lewis Grizzard, “Elvis is dead, and I don’t feel too good either.” One thing for sure, Elvis will never “pass” this way again.

  9. I would say something about being the ‘king of rock-n-the-stool’ (or block-n-the-stool) , but that just seems too disrespectful …

    Sorry … it just kinda’ slipped out … d’oh … faux pas number two … d’oh …

  10. DadaHyena says:

    This one made me think: I made a cartoon way back when in my college paper called “Tupac-Man”, a Pac-Man parody that ended with one of the ghosts shooting him down.

    Some people got upset, and I can kind of understand why, since ‘speaking ill of the departed’ (or drawing stoopud cartoons) is kind of low, but still Elvis jokes continue to this day. Are we just being selective about who we get to make jokes about (some sort of secret criteria list), or is it something else entirely?

    • Bearman says:

      I think the longer someone has been dead the more accepting there are to make jokes (except for Michael Jackson – those jokes started immediately)

  11. Dan Long says:

    Hah, what a grossly funny cartoon.

  12. Steve says:

    Because of comics like this one… Elvis Lives!!! I couldn’t resist. Keep up the good work.

  13. lynn says:

    look, i’m not a big elvis fan- never was…but this post will seem sacriligious to some people… just how many friends are you willing to lose? youre a brave man!

  14. George says:

    I had never heard that about Elvis, but it makes sense, though. You can do all sorts of damage straining. And with that much old fecal fodder still inside? Yeah, those opiates can bind you up forever until you feel like you’re giving birth to a solid-chocolate bowling ball. 🙁

    Or so I’ve read over the internet.

  15. FJ says:

    All that and he wore a cape!!!

  16. bschooled says:


    Like Elvis/Rudy always says, “I’m Just Kidding”

    Good one, Bearman…Funny, yet containing a healthy dose of gross.

  17. jammer5 says:

    I remember after one operation, where pain was intense, I used prescription narcotics and got so constipated, I cramped up like I was dying. So no wonder Elvis swung his hips so much.

  18. Evan N. says:

    You sure know how to make a legend look glamorous. Haha

  19. Dixie says:

    Fat Elvis – Skinny Elvis = Peanut Butter???
    Great toon Bearman

  20. Tony says:

    Doh!!! That was my comment but I am on my work computer which was styill logged in to WP as Dixie…

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