Ever since Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi stated so eloquently about the Health care Bill, “…we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it…”, I have been questioning what exactly was in the bill.ย Now that it is passed of course the add ons are coming out.ย ย Includedย is a rider that now effectively eliminates the banks as a middle-man for student loans.ย Instead the loans would be provided by the government.ย Again this was in the Health Care Bill!
So what else do you think will come out that was hidden in the Health care Bill?ย Are you funny?ย We like funny?ย Submit your thoughts in the comments section.ย Next Monday I’ll post my favorites for all my readers to vote on.ย The winner will get a signed copy of the final cartoon and have their banner ad posted to the right for at least 2 weeks.
If you don’t have a banner ad already on my links page, why not?ย Send me a link or the banner (125×125).ย Don’t worry if you have a blog/site but can’t make the banner.ย If you are the winner, I’ll also make one for you.
Bonusย points for people who promote this contest on your own blog, facebook or share via one of the social bookmarks below.ย (just let me know in the comments).
Remember, your entry doesn’t have to be anything related to health care.ย Also anyone know what is meant by a “Hidden Mickey” (the title of the toon)??
Comments
105 responses to “Health Care Cartoon Caption Contest”
Let me think on this. I need to add more comments anyway so I can keep my banner up here!
Get it going.
In all fairness to my leftist comrades, the student loan thing was well known before the bill was signed. Anyway, here is my submission:
Being that the Schwa (ษ) is a cool looking letter, and
Being that saying Schwa is very cool, and
Being that the Schwa is not an official English letter, and
Being that this limits the opportunity for people to use or say Schwa,
It is hereby enacted that the Schwa shall become the 27th letter of the English language, applicable, but not limited to all territories, principalities, nationalities, free autonomous zones, and interstellar regions where English is spoken, written, or perceived,
Furthermore, to improve the opportunity of populations to use and say the letter Schwa, and thus to benefit from its coolness, as well as to stimulate investment and international and domestic support of Schwa, the letter Schwa shall be included in all words Schwa-deficient, in addition,
Let it be enacted that any word longer than ten letters or four syllables shall be gifted an additional Schwa for each accented syllable beyond the fourth, or two Schwas will substitute for two or more consecutive consonants in a ten letter word or greater which ends with an unaccented syllable.
Implementation, regulation, and pronunciation of newly Schwa-ed words will be be administrated by the states.*
* Thษe Federalษ Schwaษ Agencyษ isษ legislatedษ onษ pageษ 1547 ofษ theษ HCRษ Billษ
OMG…that is hilarious. I don’t know if I have a 2 point font to fit all that in the above space though??
Come back here; I’ll bite your ankles.
Are we talking about the same thing Sheila..haha
Otherwise known as “It’s only a flesh wound.”
strip club expenses are now a tax deduction!
I know some guys who didn’t know they weren’t. “I took a client to a private club”
When the appropriate medical intervention cannot be provided to a patient for whatever reason, ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic and/or Yanni music may be played instead.
But how do you decide??
So long as it’s not Celine Dion
Hah, the dreaded “Music Death Panel.”
right on nursemyra…i dunno, something about that woman makes me freakin’ nuts! i think it’ sbecause she trys to come across so perfect…i hate that!
Oh man – I really hope I can come up with something good (I just got’s to get a signed Bearman for my collection – that would be so awesome)! ๐
Isn’t your “collection” just a bunch of papers tucked in an old shoe box??
Don’t forget about my lucky marble, piece of twine and shiny rock!
Article 652 Section 1: Your Health Care Bill and You.
The aforementioned legislation (hereafter referred to as ‘spot’) really likes it when you scratch him behind the ears and rub his belly …
Uhh … can we enter more than once?! ๐
Early and often.
We put some lame stuff in …
We left some good stuff out …
We put more lame stuff in while we rammed it through the house …
Our legislation’s crazy hokey (of this there’s little doubt)
And that’s what our bill’s about!
๐
Now we are talking!!
“President Obama is elected for life!”
haha..sneaky.
s105A(b)(ii)(v)(1)
Health care Act shall:
exclude and/or include any member of the united states of america and/or federation states and/or states of america and/or US from all and/or any and/or no health care if your vote was against and/or for this bill.
Are you sure you aren’t already a politician?
hahha i work in this type of industry. im constantly having to write bullshit like this and “interpret”… i have never gotten that… having to interpret legislation.. lol wat a joke.
Pg 1068 par 9 clause 1b: To reduce the cost of health care funding by the government each & every citizen shall be required to eat one apple for either breakfast, lunch or dinner. Failure to do so shall result in a total forfeiture of any medical treatment whatsoever. This clause has been included in line with the common law principle “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”
To increase funding to the Health Care Dept. the price of apples shall be raised to $14.95 each. This will in turn offset the incurred costs of senator’s meal & travel expenses while they are in official government meetings to determine how to reduce the cost of healthcare funding.
How am I going to whittle that down?
Just edit it with an editor…
I will have to think on this one. I am afraid that somewhere in there it will say, “Government mandated abortion shall be allowed on people up to the age of 85 years.”
If an 85 year old gets pregnant and can’t afford it, maybe for once I would be ok with it.
I didn’t mean the 85 year old having an abortion. I meant them being aborted.
How about this for a caption, “This healthcare bill will not pay for birth control, it will however pay for Viagra.”
Isn’t that already in there???
Ummmm…. I just realised that I don’t think I stand a chance of winning, my caption won’t fit into the speech bubble….
Think smaller and rewrite it.
I don’t grasp that concept! I tend to be as wordy as a mindless pageant girl trying to explain how to achieve world peace!!
And the pageant girl says, “And I want to thank all the other contestants for not being as pretty as I am.”
Or “I want to thank that backstabbing bitch Ms Texas for stealing my stickem”
I know what’s on page 1068:
“Visit http://beartoons.com to enter the Health Care Cartoon Caption Contest.”
such foresight.
Sub (3) para (2e):
And the third Wednesday of each month shall be known as 2 for 1 exploratory surgery day*
*conditions apply. not valid in combination with other promotional offers
You want more than needed colonoscopys???
Haha!
Really, Bearman, some elderly folks enjoy them. Gets them out of the house.
I will have to think on this one…I find it difficult to come up with captions when they’re actually requested…
Just pull out an old readers digest. I am sure something will come to you.
“Plastic surgery now on Medicaid”
When I get to that point I won’t need a body lift, I’ll need a fork lift.
Congress shall hereby be granted the servation of free liquor whilst in session.
It would probably make them more agreeable.
Page 1597 states: On Feb 29th, 2012, all male children born on that date will get free circumcisions. Taxes will apply, though, and the recipient will receive a 1099 in Feb, 2013.
Page 1823 states: Anyone retiring between the dates of August 17th and September 3rd, 2015, will not be eligible for part D of the medicare drug plan until they reach the age of eighty two. However, they will be eligible for store coupons for pharmaceuticals only distributed by Dillons stores in the amount equal to twice the stated value until such age is reached. One coupon per retiree per day only, please.
Page 1956: Each person receiving botox injections on or after June 13th, 2016, will receive a hand made trout lure, courtesy of “Trouts R Us.” Trout license not included.
Opps . . . didn’t see the page number in the cartoon. O well, there’s a bunch more pages out there.
Well now you need one for that page.
Any party to the second party, who is responsible for the first party, will be required to adhere to the rules generated by the third party, heretofore referred to as the third party. Should the second party not adhere to those generated rules, it shall be required to void any and all rules it may or may not have generated. The first party shall not be required to adhere to any rules generated by the third party on or after July 7th, 2015. Should either the first, second or third party contain more than one “Bob”, all rules shall be declared null and void.*
*See appendix B-7.89
I’ll still with your first sentence as the entry. all of the sudden I get wordy people..haha
The bill is over 3 million pages long and you want one liners? ๐
All about the one liners.
okay i’m not particularly funny but i am interested to see what your funny readers will come up with on this one.
I know you can do it.
okay so check this out, somehow i got to your “old” blog adddress (probably from another site that didn’t change the hyperlink) i was confused because there was a post up there from march 1st about cannabis making one hallucinate and have delusional thoughts. nothing there seemed familiar and i saw you hadnt posted in over a month and i knew there was sonething wrong! i thought. *you don’t suppose i’m finally getting those flashbacks and hallucinations bearman was posting about??*
As long as they are flashbacks and not hotflashes you are probably ok.
Chapter XXXVVII: MEDICAL CARE PROVIDED TO EXPECTED MOTHERS
If an expectant mother is not able to provide monetary coverage or does not have proper health care coverage at the time of birth of child, said child will be turned over to the Democratic Party hereto become known as Dem Child. Said Dem Child will fulfill the parents financial obligations plus 200% interest per month of term Dem Childs mother did not have coverage, by becoming a Senator and serving at the mercy of the US Government until such payments are made in full. At which time a controversy will be created to remove said Dem Child from office.
I don’t understand dem rules but dem is ‘tupid. Interesting, I was a Damn Child. “You know what that Damn Child of yours did today?”
Propofol can now be bought over the counter.
Great aren’t there enough walking zombies in the world.
All middle class to high income earners are ineligible for this Health Care Bill…sorry!
Who else is going to pay for it?
This Health Care Bill will be null and void if Republicans ever get back in.
All elective surgery will be down on a lucky dip system to make it fair!
What is a lucky dip system?
Just pull out a random number ๐
Quit speaking in Australianese. Lottery, Sweepstakes. All would be good. haha
Yeah Bearman, I’m back and i’m sober…well I’m Back!
Of course you are sober. You haven’t eaten breakfast yet..hahahaha
You’re sober? That’s scary ๐
I know ๐
Define sober ๐
… and furthermore, all Marions, upon seeking health care regardless of disease severity, shall only get a heartfelt hug and a “there there”…
Thankfully my name is NOT Marion.
ok ok lol i got another one.. hehe
S 101A (V)(ii) of the explanitory memorandom for Health Care Act:
Fuck you
Fuck the lot of yous
lol sorry for my explitative language
haha…F bombs are the norm here. Just ask the Loon.
Blahahahaha fuck yeah!
And to think she used to apologize for them.
Blahahaha I’ve hardened ๐
I thought you said you was a she?
It took me a second to get that was aimed at Loon..haha
Only Fox can uncover the real components in the Health care bill. Great competition though.
C’mon Corve. You are an investigative journalist. Give it a go.
He just did Bearman ๐
I’m still trying to think of something clever. If you know me, that’s hard to do.
You have a writer for your comic. Why not ask him..haha
What about just a tied tic-tac-toe game with it crossed out with the words “death panels”
oooh a picture in a picture. That’s high tech.
“Free fishnet condoms will be made available to all who want them. For those who do not prefer the stylish look of fishnet, we also offer a cheaper recycled, reversible condom in many fashionable colors**”
**Some assembly required
Someone has had condoms on the mind this week.
Section 4565
Sub Section 343
We the government cannot ensure Americans will not use death panels to reduce costs. See Sarah Palin Theory.
See..told you, you could do it.
[…] Health Care Cartoon Caption Contest […]
… And furthermore, if this Health Care Bill collapses upon itself… It was Bush’s fault. Any other outcome other than failure is a Yay for the President. The Yay may revert back to blaming Bush if it only looked like it was working and then blew up in our faces.
We’ll leave it at the first line in order to fit. Nice.
Sect (4) Sub (2) (v)(ii) states:
Patients not using the proper form of ‘Mother may I,’ will be sent to the back of the line.
Is that similar to Red Rover, Red Rover??
Checking the manual now.
Marion cracked the WTF Code…..Obama has a direct bloodline to Jesus Christ and Allah.
Somehow related to DaVinci’s (Code not veneers)
I can’t get my brain to work but I can’t wait to see the answers!
You been getting into that wine huh?
That is usually the impetus for your brain to start working.