It is the little things in life that they always say should make you happy. When the urge to poop comes along, and you are finished with your business, nothing is worse than having to use half a roll of toilet paper to get yourself clean. Happiness is indeed a clean wipe.
I have also made this beauty available as a poster to adorn your bathroom, dorm, or surgical unit.
In case you all don’t have George Ford on speed dial, he has decided to bring the Bearman persona over to Addanac City for his latest story arc. Someone has to class the place up (even a guy named Leslie). So if you haven’t already, head over and give George some love.
For the above cartoon in full go here
For the before where BEARMAN enters the picture go here
And for the beginning of the current story arc, go here.
What is that BEARMANiacs? You aren’t familiar with George Ford. Well he is the original BEARMANiac. In fact, last year when I asked people to show me their BEARMANiac best…this is what I got. I hope to god he was wearing pants.
INSIDE: I love you Stinky!!
So I figure if bschooled and I are going into the greeting card business that I should at least get some experience under my belt first. On facebook I stumbled upon the Hallmark Greeting Card Contest page. Their most recent contest had to do with food. You needed to make a Birthday or Love card that incorporated food in some way.
So this was my entry. And it failed. Maybe it was too gross for Hallmark but my wife said she would buy it so at least I have one. Or maybe it has been done before but I don’t think so.
For those who have no idea what the joke is, either you are of the 50% of the population who has pee that doesn’t smell after eating asparagus, you don’t eat asparagus, or you really smell and don’t know it.
Read more on why your pee smells after eating asparagus on the Straight Dope.
*** UPDATE: CHECK OUT MY GUEST TWAGGIE HERE (and make sure to leave a comment there)***
Lately I have been enjoying a newly found site called Twaggies.com. “What is a Twaggie?”, you might ask. Well to put it simply, it is a Visual Tweet. The owners of the site scour twitter for interesting quotes by celebs and non that might strike a chord if it had a cartoon image to go with it.
I put together a guest Twaggie for them and sent it off. Rather than using it, they challenged me with a different tweet. I submitted that cartoon and it should be updating tonight or tomorrow (I’ll post a link when it does). In the meantime, I present you with the original submission and it’s tweet that follows:
Walyou has a great list of 100 April Fools Gags and Pranks. This currently sold out mug from a UK company, Thumbs Up, is one of my favorites.
Noel over at DJBogtrotter and Miltons Life has decided to issue a challenge calling May 14 Dialogue Free Webcomics Day. Well I know I am 6 weeks early but I couldn’t resist this image because it reflects my day last Sunday.
The day started with me waking up to find that one of our cats had puked in 12 different places all over the house. I am squeamish when it comes to this stuff so I have to choke back my own vomit whenever I clean up vomit (or change the cat litter). Usually if it was in one place I would act like I didn’t see it and wait for the wife to clean it up. But in twelve spots, I knew I had to man up and make it a team effort.
Afterwards, I went about my day eating breakfast, showering (which is important to note as we will come back to this later) and then going shopping. I got a new workout shirt and a new belt. I needed the belt desperately as mine was falling apart so I wasted no time putting it on in the store.
Early in the afternoon, as I tend to do several times a day, I sat down on the toilet to do what men do when they sit on the toilet. Suddenly I was overcome by the atrocious smell of putrid salmon. Covering my face with my shirt, I looked all around the bathroom to see if we possibly missed some cat vomit in our clean up efforts. I knew the smell was somewhere in the bathroom but I couldn’t figure out where.
All seemed normal until later that day I had to go again; this time I went into a different bathroom. Once again the smell overcame me. As I leaned over toward the air-vent the smell become stronger. I called out to my wife to stick her head in the air-vent and see if the smell could be coming from the furnace. She said no.
To my horror, I realized that if it wasn’t the cat and it wasn’t the furnace, then it must be me. It can’t be me. I just showered that morning. Yet here I was leaning over on the toilet trying to smell my crotch to determine if indeed it was. I feared I had some form of Salmon Crotch Disease. Was it curable? Would I smell like this the rest of my life?
I tore off each piece of clothing to get a better smell and lo and behold it was my DAMN NEW BELT. Yes folks my brand new Gap belt smells of salmon. I’ll be taking it back this weekend and hopefully it was a one time thing.
A day in my life.
For those who had trouble getting the joke on my Cash for Caulkers cartoon, Mark Consuelos, husband of Kelly Ripa and guest host on Live with Regis and Kelly, brings it home.
The idea for the most recent t-shirt design from WackSack.com came from our friends up North trying to do the right thing and the media of course taking it hilariously wrong.
It seems that after complaints of two passengers, the Canadian Transportation Agency has order Air Canada to come up with a plan to accomodate those with severe peanut allergies. It seems two people who complained to the CTA got action after not getting anywhere with Air Canada. The CTA ruled, “people with peanut and nut allergies face significant barriers to safe travel and should be treated as having a disability. As such, all accommodations should be made to ensure their safety while travelling with Air Canada.”
The funniest part is if you clicked the link to the story on a USA Today Blog not only is the title hilarious – Air Canada ordered to give fliers a ‘nut-free’ flight option – but take a look at the accompanying picture. Really? The best image to go with this story is a picture of an inflated hotdog??
So we give you the lastest No Nuts design available on t-shirts, buttons, bags, etc. Some useful ideas for who you might buy this for include:
Personally, I think if they want to create a “nut free” zone in the airplanes, I would be happy to seat passengers accordingly since I can point out the real nuts. They tend to get seated next to me and want to share their entire life story with me when all I want to do is sleep. Oh and I have a great idea for Air Canada to easily adhere to this new policy. STOP SERVING PEANUTS. Give out pretzels instead.
Great video from the guys at SuperNews.
So a few days ago my friend Lynn did a post saying she found a site that would put your face on a condom. Not having a pic, she decided to use my almost famous avatar and claimed to have sent away for some. This started a whole firestorm of conversation.
Then yesterday I post something about a cartoon I did for a friend and the Friggin Loon started to hijack my post going back to the condom thing. So I decided to let you all play here. Come up with whatever jokes, slogans, ribs, jabs, pokes (not that kind of poke) you want.
UPDATE: Check out Purple Hatters Gross Cartoon he did on Bearman Condoms WARNING Not Safe for Keeping Food Down.