Back in 2003, I put was putting together a how-to-NOT book on Internet Dating. So I drew some gag panels to go with the book. I think you will notice a difference in my style then versus now. My wife and a few family members were the only ones ever to buy copies before I yanked it down off the internet.
Before I met my wife, I went on my fair share of dates and learned that believe it or not women are a bunch of liars. Ok to be fair, most of my female friends say the same thing about the men online. Whether lying about employment, size, age, or simply putting up pictures that aren’t even you, there are quit a few nut jobs out there that think the rest of us are too stupid to figure it out once we meet you.
I have a bunch of horror stories and more pics if people are interested. Any dating horror stories out there? Oh and since I know someone will ask, my wife and I did NOT meet on the internet. Probably plays into why, while she loves my cartoons, could care less about my site.
Internet dating. Yeah. Awesome.
I once “e-dated” a woman for SEVEN MONTHS before finding out she was married and her hubby was getting off on the whole thing while she and I were talking.
That helped my confidence, I can tell ya.
haha. Nathan what happened that it took you 7 months to meet? Was she in Russia??
Hopefully, you got some good photographs outta the deal. 🙂
I am not dating (wed) but notice that MANY, MANY folks simply do not read the words that I write…they read between the lines, make assumptions, and generally do not pay attention to the context….I’ll bet this is even MORE true when one is excited about meeting a new person for dating purposes! PAY ATTENTION!
Hey Sewbee. Thanks for stopping by. That is definitely true that many people only read the parts they think pertain to them or their interests. Whether it be blog posts or dating sites.
But so often on dating sites, there is nothing to read into it. I have had women say in their profile they don’t smoke and yet light up on our first date. Have had women post a picture that they say is only a few weeks old and wonder how they could a: gain 30 lbs, lose 4 inches in height and look completely different than the pic they represent as being them.
I told my wife everything about me including my faults. Whenever she points them out like it irritates her, I can always go back and point at internet documentation of where i forewarned her of certain things. I like the fact that our entire courtship is available on the net thru old emails, MySpace messages and comments. She likes to go back and see when I started “kicking game” and reeling her in. 😀
Whenever my wife gets on me for something I “shouldn’t be eating” I remind her that while she is the same weight as she was when we met, I am actually 15 lbs lighter than I was so she has to shut her pie hole (ok I don’t say that because I don’t want to get a beat down but you get the point)
So… pre-Mrs. Bearman did you use that famous gravatar as a profile picture?
Why do I get the feeling you might have stretched the truth about your hair-color a bit?!
Nope. I had no pic up on my profile that was over a year old. I figured if you didn’t like what you saw in recent pictures then we were saving both of us valuable time.
I used the worst pic I had of myself, so that when you met you had to be a little bit more impressed. 😀
haha. I hope to god it wasn’t this one
Yep, that was the one! There was no where to go but up from there. If you replied to that guy, you deserved what was gonna happen to ya. 🙂
This was the actual pic I sued for my profile at the time:
Oops! It wouldn’t show. Try this:
Oh that is your cute half Latin half Black look. See you could have been the new Spiderman.
Bearman, he actually did send this picture to me, once upon a time! I was already in love, but thought, “My goodness! For the love of Pete!” 😉 His hair was much bigger than mine! Have mercy!
And then there was the pic of his hair he sent me. Woof. Don King is jealous.
So you used your baby pictures?
No…I was an ugly baby.
I tried online dating (before I was married, of course) and it didn’t lead to much of anything. I guess I probably should’ve left my shirt on in the profile pics….
Those “guns” didn’t bring the ladies running? I mean toward you.
Internet dating horror stories? Oh yes…..
Oh yes the story of your date who pleasures himself against your mattress. How could I forget.
Hate to brag, but I have never been in need of a dating service to find my next victim.
You blood suckers just fly from victim to victim
Yes indeedy. Promiscuous proboscis 🙂
You know I had to look that up.
Don’t tell Winky and Fraz for goodness sakes!!!!
Tell us what??
How to look things up?
Many of you may know that my wonderful wife and I met on the internet. She lived in California and I resided in Virginia. We met on MySpace and hit it off instantly. Our courtship lasted an entire year before we ever met face-to-face. After two years of dating, we got engaged, then married while still living 3,000 miles apart (we were married in person, ok.). After seven months of being apart while married, I finally relocated to sunny Southern California. We’ve been together ever since working on our 3rd year of marriage. 🙂
You are one of the success stories. I know several of my friends who are married b/c of meeting on the net. Just wasnt in the cards for me…thankfully.
But now, I am always doomed because my wife doesn’t like for me to have female internet friends. My instant reply is “what, I’m gonna try to kick to some dumb chick from across the country on the web? Get real!”
Then I realize the stupidity of my words. Hee-hee….
I am glad we both realize that because I didn’t understand your sentence..haha
I left a few articles out. Sorry.
My reply is that it would be stupid and impossible for me to fall in love with some chick over the internet, so what is she complaining about? Then I realize that’s exactly how she got here, sooooo….
NOW I GET IT!!! Better duck next time you say that.
Oh, Sweetie, you forgot to mention that we were married online, first – shortly after my first visit! 😉
Wha Wha WHAT??? There is a story there.
I’m thankful I never even had this as an option. We dated and married in the 80’s. Of course both sexes lie (oh and cheat too) – all’s fair in love and war – right?
Hey I have my LLL#2 up – We should get a cartoon submission – don’t you think?
You write it and I draw it? How’s that? haha
I’m guilty as charged for lying on the Internet. Never dated, though, because I was alreday married when this thing started.
So confess. What all have you lied about?
I invoke my rights under the fifth ammendment to the constitution of the United States of America.
I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say could be used against me…
Fifth Amendment only works in the Court of Law. This is the Court of Bearman
Think about how many cartoons you could make based on Craigslist dating posts alone!
That started after my run so I can only imagine.
No internet dating stories. However, my with my first girlfriend, it was exceptionally hard to do any kind of dating because her mother was a vice cop for the local police department.
With my current wife, we were initially set up on a blind date between our respective mothers.
Playing bingo was our first date.
Doesn’t a vice cop usually work nights..he he
You didn’t beat her in Bingo that night…might have been bad form.
Ha,ha,ha! These are outrageous.
I guess what actually helped my wife and get along was the fact that we weren’t on a “dating” site necessarily. I felt no obligation to try and woo anyone at the time. What halso helps is that I love to read, I love to write, and my wife is a stickler for grammar, so I didn’t have to put up with that “text-speak” punctuation that drives me frickin’ batty when I read it. She was the first (and perhaps only) intelligent person i had ran across on the web at the time. I had to go get dat! 😀
“dat” You have gone downhill with the grammar since marriage. See post above that I didn’t understand your sentence..haha
I’m at my office of employment trying to color MY comics, answer comments, Tweet, Update, Plus stuff, and do something called…what was it? Oh, yeah, WORK. And my Spell-Checker turned in her two weeks notice, so I’m all in left field. Maybe I’ll be better tomorrow. 😀
Your boss called and said to get back to your PAYING job.
I can tell the difference in your style. i would like to see more. I had a go at internet dating and was pleasantly surprised, Dated the person for over a year, then never tried it again.
Why not? Worked the first time? Or did you find someone in the real world like I did.
honestly been to busy, had a couple relationships but at the moment just happy working and building my career.
Yes but when you are dating…you get free labor. haha
Nice you are right about that! lmfao
Once met a girl on Facebook while I was in college, we went to Steak ‘n Shake in the middle of the night and she was decently normal for the entire deal. I went to drop her off back at her dorm and she drops her pants in the middle of the parking lot with like 5 people watching. I just kinda left her there.
…don’t leave the story half finished.
b. Needing to pee
c. Mooning her friends
D, final answer.
haha. Damn. You could have made an exception for any of A through C.
To this day I have yet to think of a scenario where she made any kind of sense there. Medication wore off?
Probably not. If she could manage her crazy she might have called you to wonder where you went.
Sounds like a fun read to me. You should do it again and publish it as humor.
It was but no one cared. Even went the publishing route and did get one publisher interested until I sent her the book and she realized while it offered great advice, it was too tongue in cheek.
Back when I was single I tried internet dating. I gave up after the third time the woman turned out to not be physically attractive to me. I’m not perfect either or even picky about such things but… Yikes!
I didn’t meet my wife online but I did ask her out on a date in her email.
Our friend Kurt has a comic in a similar vein if anyone would like a look:
Date via email? You are a bigger chicken than I was….haha j/k
Great cartoon from Kurt. Thanks for sharing.
It was quite forward actually. She was a complete stranger at the time and that was the only way I’d likely ever see her again. The email was in the back of one of her comics and we’d traded comics at an event. I guess I didn’t play games when I was single, and I felt I had nothing to lose.
Chickens stay single.
She still doing comics? What is her site?
I haven’t done comics in a while. I do other art now, but my old comics pop up on ButterSword now and then.
Well you need to share your new stuff too
I agree. She’s making this awesome camouflage armband with yarn and these long stick tools.
Be careful you don’t get poked.
These are great! Would love to see more. Especially like the 2nd one.
Then I shall deliver.
Last time I dated they didn’t even have personal computers…much less internet. We did have telephones though.
LIke the telephones they used to have on the tables at Max and ERmas
Where, pray tell, is Blunt Delivery, she has friggin 5 volumes of Internet dating disaster stories???????
The only one I heard was a friend of mine discovered men can have enormous cankles too 🙁 She didn’t see that one coming in his profile photo 🙂
Her Grandfather passed away so she is excused this week.
How do you bring that up in your profile? “I like long walks on the beach but I wear socks to hide my cankles”
I once went out on an internet date and found out she was human! Talk about a let down.
Wouldn’t be a failure if she brought chocolate.
Hilarious! All I can say is…thank god I’m married. I couldn’t handle internet dating.
Me too. Thank god I survived.
Wow…your style has totally changed!
I honestly believe that when it comes to dating, women lie more/are crazier than men. Present company excluded, of course.
Hopefully it has changed for the better.
Oh and I could just imagine what your dating profile would read.
I’ve tried the Internet dating scene (long time ago) with very little success. Some scary-ass stalker action goes on there. Great for cartoon storylines. Not so great for families.
You are so irresitable they couldn’t stop.
I’ve had one blind date in my life and that was enough. e-dating wouldn’t happen with me. The blind date cured me of that.
I think both sexes lie. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. 🙂
At least with online dating there is a 50/50 chance that the person you are looking at is the person who set up the profile and who you will meet on the date.
This is sadly spot-on from what my friends tell me. Dear God the dating world is a scary place.
Isn’t it nice being on the other side of that.
A friend of mine found his wife via internet dating an there having thier second child soon. It’s not all bad.
Nope as I said I have several friends who met that way. It is funny though that 10 years ago the ones that met online weren’t quick to tell people that.
Yep, online profiles can be so deceiving. I’m short, bald & old in real life…
Who would have guessed.
My sister was e-dating a 27 year old school teacher once. They discussed all sorts of intimate things. One day she got an email from his Mum. Turns out he was a 13 year old kid. I thought it was hilarious but she didn’t see the funny side of it.
oops. Hope she didn’t send any naughty pics.
Too funny! 🙂
It’s not inherently good or bad. Some have great experiences with it, some not, but almost everything you listed is no different than the real world.There are pro’s & cons of dating. Lots of cons, actually.
I had some great experiences as well. But you all need to learn from my mistakes. hah
Nice cartoon story.thanks for this amazing post.it is really great blog..,,
haha. I didn’t understand the name of your site, until I clicked..too funny. Ladies go check it out.