Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon 1

Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon Screw Loose

First of all let me start by saying, I love the Reader’s Digest and love the cartoons in them.  In fact, rumor has it that Nate might have a cartoon in there soon.

However, our friend Bschooled has an ongoing series on her blog entitled Readers Digest – Rejected Humor Submissions (see here, here, here ), where she posts humorous takes on things that probably wouldn’t get passed the RD editors.  I have been teasing her that I would start doing a cartoon series ala the same style as in the magazine.   Ones that would never see the light of day at Reader’s Digest.  So here is the first.

My wife took one look at it and said “That is the dumbest cartoon I have ever seen”  EXACTLY.  Success!!!  My goal is to periodically add to the rejected RD series with cartoons  that the jokes are so syrupy sweet or bad that they actually are funny.

Got any ideas?  Feel free to send via contact form, email or in the comments.  We don’t want to make them too good or the editors at RD might actually want to pay me for my work.  And if that is the case, you can forget me showing you the finished product first.   I’ll make you go buy the magazine.

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96 Responses to “Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon 1”

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  1. Friggin Loon says:

    Blahahaha Bearman, now he is really screwed 🙁

  2. DadaHyena says:

    An alternate line:

    “Hey, Miss? Want to get screwed?”

    Okay, that was even LESS funny.

  3. Ok here’s one I’d like to see that would fit into this category. Draw a bear crouching in the woods in the perfect ‘Thinking Man’ pose with the speech bubble(?) “Well, of course I do you imbecile.” Maybe you could even have an exasperated looking rabbit in his right hand implying toilet paper. Or is that too good?

  4. Indeed literally.
    I like the lessons we learn from our parents

  5. Bo says:

    You should do a whole series on mom’s sayings. Done in a series it would be a hoot.

  6. jynksie says:

    Now see, I thought it was funny as is! …maybe thats why I don’t recognise a bad gag (hence my comic) when I see one! *smirk*

  7. Dan says:

    I don’t know, that one might actually pass muster with the editors and make it in. Is it possible to try and be ironic about this but actually come up with a passable ‘toon??? You may have done it . . . now onto the New Yorker!

  8. You could do cartoons for puns:
    Why didn’t the bicycle finish the race? It was two-tired.
    What do you call artificial spaghetti? Impasta.

  9. Walker says:

    Mr. Heare there has some great ideas.
    Actually, Bearman you’ve off to a wonderful start. I like it, I like it very much… and BSchooled’s rejects are always twisted and wickedly funny! You’d make a great team.

  10. jammer5 says:

    Flat Tony getting run over by a steam roller.

  11. jillsy says:

    HA HA HA HA!!! Okay, I won’t go overboard.

    I’ll put on my thinking cap and get with you if I come up with any bad ideas.

  12. MJ says:


  13. bschooled says:

    LOVE IT!

    We’re gonna be rich, Bearman!!

    WE just need to make sure that we stay “grounded”…

    Ha! See how I did that? Sooo Reader’s Digest comic-worthy!

  14. Ron-Yves says:

    Only a man of your talents could intentionally suck so well…Kudos on a job—done…

    How about 2 fish swimming around in the Gulf of Mexico…One turns to the other and says, “I gotta admit—whatever this stuff is, it helps keep me regular…”


  15. have you seen my glasses?
    (on his head)
    Ah that sucks.
    Well it’s an idea of sorts. lol

  16. Friggin Loon says:

    Sheez and here I was thinking the comments were all going to be of a sexual nature? Disappointment indeed 🙂

  17. Brad says:

    My mother told me to pull up my boot straps. I would look down and think, ‘I don’t have any boot straps?’ Then she’d knee me in the nose and say, ‘And you never will.’

    Mother is very confusing and violent.

  18. jb says:

    That’s me man that’s me. Good one Bearmn.

  19. Duncanr says:

    How about this one if you’re looking for inspiration –

    “Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.”

    There’s enough smutty potential in there to keep loon happy 😆

  20. nursemyra says:

    I’ve just been over at Lynn’s, love the tee shirt you made for Rip!

  21. lynn says:

    well, i must say that i’m liking your wife more and more these days. you gotta respect a woman that will let you know exactly how she feels.

  22. Dan McGinley says:

    This is great, Bearman. You whipped the creative minds into a frenzy. I’ll be trying to think of something unReader’s Digest worthy . . . the game is afoot.

  23. Talon says:

    LOL! I loved the cartoon, Bearman. I’m going to share it with my own Mom who has always maintained that my head wasn’t screwed on right. Now I’ll have proof that my head’s at least screwed on tight enough to stay put. 🙂

    • Bearman says:

      Tell your mom to come here and see there are plenty of people around here that have more than one screw loose. Glad you liked it.

  24. Duncanr says:

    I hated brussel sprouts as a kid and would always turn my nose up when they appeared on my plate. My mum’s constant rebuke when i wouldn’t eat anything she served up was to remind me of the millions of starving Africans in the world who would be glad of the food I was refusing to eat.

    One day, sick of hearing about these bloody Africans, I said any of them that wanted these fucken brussel sprouts were welcome to them. – I got a clip round the ears for that remark ! 🙁

  25. Nate Fakes says:

    This is hilarious! I have to see a collection of rejected RD material!

    It’s a frustrating magazine, because I DID try some of the pun humor that they have often used. I hated it (my own stuff). So, I tried a new twist, and it actually worked.

    RD UPDATE: I had two comics held – which I assumed meant “picked up”. I found out they now go through another editorial process, so I’m not clear on what that means for me. Are they sold? I think so, but I took down my post about being in RD for sure, because now I’m a little confused. I’m sure I’ll keep you updated on Ramblings. In the meantime, I’m still submitting gobs of material to them.

    Keep submitting, Bearman! I have the direct contact if you would like. I have seen (no offense to any other cartoonist in RD) comics in there that aren’t nearly as good as yours!

    • Nate Fakes says:

      BTW – I can relate to the joke submissions as well. My dad, Dennis Fakes, has been in the magazine about four times. He has a massive rejection joke collection as well (I’m guessing)!

      • Bearman says:

        Four times??? Your dad is probably retiring on his RD residuals.

        I picked one up at the store the other day and thumbed through looking for your cartoon. Keep us posted.

        • Nate Fakes says:

          Google his names and you’ll find a ton of jokes and quotes. He submitted a lot in the 80’s, so I’m guessing the residuals are in the upper-millions by now.

          • Bearman says:

            Was this one of his?

            “Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble. “

  26. Tony says:

    Ha Ha Brilliant & so true to life. My Mum used to say the same thing to me

  27. Nate Fakes says:

    Yes, that was one of dad’s

  28. can you please do a series of these?

    like one with someone’s eyes permanently crossed. and one with a poked out eye from running with scissors?

    thanks in advance

  29. George says:

    This IS a dumb cartoon, but I love it. Knowing me, I would probably actually use it. You know how I do. 😀

  30. Sheila Deeth says:

    Oh, I like this one… but now I’m thinking light-bulbs too. Maybe just put his head on a lamp-post… walking lamp-posts… I think there’s too much going on. I’ll lose my head soon if I don’t screw it on tight…

  31. Joenis says:

    THis has happened to me. I swear.

  32. SpilledInkGuy says:

    Hahaha … I’m gonna’ remove myself from the discussion. It just wouldn’t be fair. I’m FULL of rejectable ideas (it’s my one true talent, ya’ know)! 🙂

  33. Tony McGurk says:

    I thought I had missed this one but I have previously left a comment, which was what I was about to say this time.

  34. Too Cute, i know every m other said that to their child growing up.

  35. Bearman says:

    I think I had more than one screw b/c my mom was always telling me I had a screw loose.


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