Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon 1

Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon Screw Loose

First of all let me start by saying, I love the Reader’s Digest and love the cartoons in them.  In fact, rumor has it that Nate might have a cartoon in there soon.

However, our friend Bschooled has an ongoing series on her blog entitled Readers Digest – Rejected Humor Submissions (see here, here, here ), where she posts humorous takes on things that probably wouldn’t get passed the RD editors.  I have been teasing her that I would start doing a cartoon series ala the same style as in the magazine.   Ones that would never see the light of day at Reader’s Digest.  So here is the first.

My wife took one look at it and said “That is the dumbest cartoon I have ever seen”  EXACTLY.  Success!!!  My goal is to periodically add to the rejected RD series with cartoons  that the jokes are so syrupy sweet or bad that they actually are funny.

Got any ideas?  Feel free to send via contact form, email or in the comments.  We don’t want to make them too good or the editors at RD might actually want to pay me for my work.  And if that is the case, you can forget me showing you the finished product first.   I’ll make you go buy the magazine.

Comments

96 responses to “Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon 1”

  1. Friggin Loon Avatar

    Blahahaha Bearman, now he is really screwed 🙁

    1. Bearman Avatar
  2. DadaHyena Avatar

    An alternate line:

    “Hey, Miss? Want to get screwed?”

    Okay, that was even LESS funny.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I think that should be her line.

  3. Scott Oglesby Avatar

    Ok here’s one I’d like to see that would fit into this category. Draw a bear crouching in the woods in the perfect ‘Thinking Man’ pose with the speech bubble(?) “Well, of course I do you imbecile.” Maybe you could even have an exasperated looking rabbit in his right hand implying toilet paper. Or is that too good?

    1. Bearman Avatar

      That’s great. But a bear on a toiilet looking at you saying “YES!” is more subtle

      1. bschooled Avatar

        Haha! See? That’s why the two of you are going to be my gravy-train-getting- on partners one day.

        (Only we’ll have to shorten your title so it’ll fit on the business cards.)

        1. bearman Avatar

          Since when is “master debator” too long to fit on a business card?

  4. Corve DaCosta Avatar

    Indeed literally.
    I like the lessons we learn from our parents

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Don’t worry. I have a bunch of “momisms” in mind for this series.

  5. Bo Avatar

    You should do a whole series on mom’s sayings. Done in a series it would be a hoot.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      That is what inspired me on this series. I have several already in mind.

      1. Bo Lumpkin Avatar

        I can see some of them in my head already… I can’t wait. Get busy so we don’t have to.

        1. lynn Avatar

          yes momisms would definitely rock!

  6. jynksie Avatar

    Now see, I thought it was funny as is! …maybe thats why I don’t recognise a bad gag (hence my comic) when I see one! *smirk*

    1. bearman Avatar

      Ur a success when others make lego men that look like you

  7. Dan Avatar

    I don’t know, that one might actually pass muster with the editors and make it in. Is it possible to try and be ironic about this but actually come up with a passable ‘toon??? You may have done it . . . now onto the New Yorker!

    1. bearman Avatar

      Even if it was good enough they probably have just banned me for life

  8. Ahmnodt Heare Avatar

    You could do cartoons for puns:
    Why didn’t the bicycle finish the race? It was two-tired.
    What do you call artificial spaghetti? Impasta.

    1. bearman Avatar

      Don’t tread on me could be a fitting tag line for a bike cartoon or a campaign slogan

  9. Walker Avatar

    Mr. Heare there has some great ideas.
    Actually, Bearman you’ve off to a wonderful start. I like it, I like it very much… and BSchooled’s rejects are always twisted and wickedly funny! You’d make a great team.

    1. bearman Avatar

      We’ll be rich and famous. She’ll be famous and I’ll be rich.

      1. Walker Avatar

        I’d take rich over famous!!

        1. Bearman Avatar

          I don’t mind famous. I just don’t want to be infamous.

          1. Jande Avatar

            Too late! ;`)

  10. jammer5 Avatar

    Flat Tony getting run over by a steam roller.

    1. bearman Avatar

      Flat tony might enjoy that too much. He’s been through worse

      1. jammer5 Avatar

        Then it might just straighten him out . . .

        1. Bearman Avatar

          What about hooking him up to some air at the gas station?

  11. jillsy Avatar

    HA HA HA HA!!! Okay, I won’t go overboard.

    I’ll put on my thinking cap and get with you if I come up with any bad ideas.

    1. bearman Avatar

      I’m sure you have some left over gags from the old YNB blog

  12. MJ Avatar

    Ha,ha,ha!

    1. bearman Avatar

      U laughing with me or at me?

      1. MJ Avatar

        With You! HA! HA! HA!

        1. Chris W. Avatar

          Hahahaha… wait, what are we doing again?

          1. Bearman Avatar

            We are calling all our friends and sending them over here to laugh at me.

  13. bschooled Avatar

    LOVE IT!

    We’re gonna be rich, Bearman!!

    WE just need to make sure that we stay “grounded”…

    Ha! See how I did that? Sooo Reader’s Digest comic-worthy!

    1. bearman Avatar

      “Grounded”. That’s more Geologists Digest than Readers Digest

  14. Ron-Yves Avatar

    Only a man of your talents could intentionally suck so well…Kudos on a job—done…

    How about 2 fish swimming around in the Gulf of Mexico…One turns to the other and says, “I gotta admit—whatever this stuff is, it helps keep me regular…”

    🙂

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Or one has acne and says “I wonder why I keep breaking out”
      Other: “oily skin”

      Badumdum.

      1. Ron-Yves Avatar

        haha—even better…I mean ‘worse’…

  15. Arts web show Avatar

    have you seen my glasses?
    (on his head)
    Ah that sucks.
    Well it’s an idea of sorts. lol

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Sucks is good. We like sucks. Now if you wanted funny maybe we have him doing that while working in an eye glass store.

      1. Arts web show Avatar

        that would be awesome.

      2. Jande Avatar

        …or in a Glass-eye store.

  16. Friggin Loon Avatar

    Sheez and here I was thinking the comments were all going to be of a sexual nature? Disappointment indeed 🙂

    1. Bearman Avatar

      YOu somehow have me mistaken for Susi’s blog.

      1. Friggin Loon Avatar

        Shhh she’s still sleeping…hangover 🙂

        1. Bearman Avatar

          When will she learn she can’t run with the big dogs.

  17. Brad Avatar

    My mother told me to pull up my boot straps. I would look down and think, ‘I don’t have any boot straps?’ Then she’d knee me in the nose and say, ‘And you never will.’

    Mother is very confusing and violent.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      And that’s how Brad ended up being raised by a pack of wolves.

  18. jb Avatar

    That’s me man that’s me. Good one Bearmn.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      If that is you, please step away from the computer and call 911.

  19. Duncanr Avatar

    How about this one if you’re looking for inspiration –

    “Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.”

    There’s enough smutty potential in there to keep loon happy 😆

    1. Bearman Avatar

      That is awful…but my mind is racing now. Thanks

      1. Jande Avatar

        So how would one visualise a couple of racing minds?

  20. nursemyra Avatar

    I’ve just been over at Lynn’s, love the tee shirt you made for Rip!

    1. Bearman Avatar

      ooh…I was traveling yesterday and missed it. Need to head over.

  21. lynn Avatar

    well, i must say that i’m liking your wife more and more these days. you gotta respect a woman that will let you know exactly how she feels.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Why? Why do you have to respect that. Why can’t she respect my need to be humored all the time?

      1. lynn Avatar

        you have a mirror for that.

        1. Bearman Avatar

          But that only let’s me tell myself how great I am. Where is the outward love?

  22. […] This guy! (ps. I’m not just saying that because his last one was inspired by yours […]

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I think I had more than one screw b/c my mom was always telling me I had a screw loose.

  23. Dan McGinley Avatar

    This is great, Bearman. You whipped the creative minds into a frenzy. I’ll be trying to think of something unReader’s Digest worthy . . . the game is afoot.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Bring it Dan!

  24. Talon Avatar

    LOL! I loved the cartoon, Bearman. I’m going to share it with my own Mom who has always maintained that my head wasn’t screwed on right. Now I’ll have proof that my head’s at least screwed on tight enough to stay put. 🙂

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Tell your mom to come here and see there are plenty of people around here that have more than one screw loose. Glad you liked it.

  25. Duncanr Avatar

    I hated brussel sprouts as a kid and would always turn my nose up when they appeared on my plate. My mum’s constant rebuke when i wouldn’t eat anything she served up was to remind me of the millions of starving Africans in the world who would be glad of the food I was refusing to eat.

    One day, sick of hearing about these bloody Africans, I said any of them that wanted these fucken brussel sprouts were welcome to them. – I got a clip round the ears for that remark ! 🙁

    1. Bearman Avatar

      I have yet to meet someone who really loves brussel sprouts. I told my mom. I don’t like them, you don’t like them…why do you still serve them?

      1. lynn Avatar

        oh man, brussel sprouts are my second fav veggie to rutabagas. Mmmmmmm…. i love all cruciferours veggies.

        1. Bearman Avatar

          cruciferous is too close to crusty or crucified. Neither is a good thing.

  26. Nate Fakes Avatar

    This is hilarious! I have to see a collection of rejected RD material!

    It’s a frustrating magazine, because I DID try some of the pun humor that they have often used. I hated it (my own stuff). So, I tried a new twist, and it actually worked.

    RD UPDATE: I had two comics held – which I assumed meant “picked up”. I found out they now go through another editorial process, so I’m not clear on what that means for me. Are they sold? I think so, but I took down my post about being in RD for sure, because now I’m a little confused. I’m sure I’ll keep you updated on Ramblings. In the meantime, I’m still submitting gobs of material to them.

    Keep submitting, Bearman! I have the direct contact if you would like. I have seen (no offense to any other cartoonist in RD) comics in there that aren’t nearly as good as yours!

    1. Nate Fakes Avatar

      BTW – I can relate to the joke submissions as well. My dad, Dennis Fakes, has been in the magazine about four times. He has a massive rejection joke collection as well (I’m guessing)!

      1. Bearman Avatar

        Four times??? Your dad is probably retiring on his RD residuals.

        I picked one up at the store the other day and thumbed through looking for your cartoon. Keep us posted.

        1. Nate Fakes Avatar

          Google his names and you’ll find a ton of jokes and quotes. He submitted a lot in the 80’s, so I’m guessing the residuals are in the upper-millions by now.

          1. Bearman Avatar

            Was this one of his?

            “Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble. “

  27. Tony Avatar

    Ha Ha Brilliant & so true to life. My Mum used to say the same thing to me

    1. Bearman Avatar

      And look how you turned out.

      1. Tony Avatar

        See it’s true

  28. Nate Fakes Avatar

    Yes, that was one of dad’s

    1. Nate Fakes Avatar

      It’s also why I have a middle name

      1. Bearman Avatar

        If you are catholic you are lucky enough to have 2 middle names.

  29. blunt delivery Avatar

    can you please do a series of these?

    like one with someone’s eyes permanently crossed. and one with a poked out eye from running with scissors?

    thanks in advance

    1. Bearman Avatar

      Perfect. On it.

  30. George Avatar

    This IS a dumb cartoon, but I love it. Knowing me, I would probably actually use it. You know how I do. 😀

    1. Bearman Avatar

      But would you pay me for it?

  31. Sheila Deeth Avatar

    Oh, I like this one… but now I’m thinking light-bulbs too. Maybe just put his head on a lamp-post… walking lamp-posts… I think there’s too much going on. I’ll lose my head soon if I don’t screw it on tight…

    1. Bearman Avatar

      You are no Dim Wit.

  32. Joenis Avatar

    THis has happened to me. I swear.

    1. Bearman Avatar

      We want pictures then.

  33. SpilledInkGuy Avatar
    SpilledInkGuy

    Hahaha … I’m gonna’ remove myself from the discussion. It just wouldn’t be fair. I’m FULL of rejectable ideas (it’s my one true talent, ya’ know)! 🙂

    1. Bearman Avatar

      That’s just the lazy way out. Well OK..it’s fitting.

  34. […] is the second in a series of light-hearted cartoons that are so bad they are good.  Here is the first in case you missed it. jQuery(document).ready(function($) { […]

  35. Tony McGurk Avatar

    I thought I had missed this one but I have previously left a comment, which was what I was about to say this time.

  36. Rent Textbooks Avatar

    Too Cute, i know every m other said that to their child growing up.