Rejected Readers Digest Cartoon 1
First of all let me start by saying, I love the Reader’s Digest and love the cartoons in them. In fact, rumor has it that Nate might have a cartoon in there soon.
However, our friend Bschooled has an ongoing series on her blog entitled Readers Digest – Rejected Humor Submissions (see here, here, here ), where she posts humorous takes on things that probably wouldn’t get passed the RD editors. I have been teasing her that I would start doing a cartoon series ala the same style as in the magazine. Ones that would never see the light of day at Reader’s Digest. So here is the first.
My wife took one look at it and said “That is the dumbest cartoon I have ever seen” EXACTLY. Success!!! My goal is to periodically add to the rejected RD series with cartoons that the jokes are so syrupy sweet or bad that they actually are funny.
Got any ideas? Feel free to send via contact form, email or in the comments. We don’t want to make them too good or the editors at RD might actually want to pay me for my work. And if that is the case, you can forget me showing you the finished product first. I’ll make you go buy the magazine.
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Blahahaha Bearman, now he is really screwed
Ba dum dum
An alternate line:
“Hey, Miss? Want to get screwed?”
Okay, that was even LESS funny.
I think that should be her line.
Ok here’s one I’d like to see that would fit into this category. Draw a bear crouching in the woods in the perfect ‘Thinking Man’ pose with the speech bubble(?) “Well, of course I do you imbecile.” Maybe you could even have an exasperated looking rabbit in his right hand implying toilet paper. Or is that too good?
That’s great. But a bear on a toiilet looking at you saying “YES!” is more subtle
Haha! See? That’s why the two of you are going to be my gravy-train-getting- on partners one day.
(Only we’ll have to shorten your title so it’ll fit on the business cards.)
Since when is “master debator” too long to fit on a business card?
Indeed literally.
I like the lessons we learn from our parents
Don’t worry. I have a bunch of “momisms” in mind for this series.
You should do a whole series on mom’s sayings. Done in a series it would be a hoot.
That is what inspired me on this series. I have several already in mind.
I can see some of them in my head already… I can’t wait. Get busy so we don’t have to.
yes momisms would definitely rock!
Now see, I thought it was funny as is! …maybe thats why I don’t recognise a bad gag (hence my comic) when I see one! *smirk*
Ur a success when others make lego men that look like you
I don’t know, that one might actually pass muster with the editors and make it in. Is it possible to try and be ironic about this but actually come up with a passable ‘toon??? You may have done it . . . now onto the New Yorker!
Even if it was good enough they probably have just banned me for life
You could do cartoons for puns:
Why didn’t the bicycle finish the race? It was two-tired.
What do you call artificial spaghetti? Impasta.
Don’t tread on me could be a fitting tag line for a bike cartoon or a campaign slogan
Mr. Heare there has some great ideas.
Actually, Bearman you’ve off to a wonderful start. I like it, I like it very much… and BSchooled’s rejects are always twisted and wickedly funny! You’d make a great team.
We’ll be rich and famous. She’ll be famous and I’ll be rich.
I’d take rich over famous!!
I don’t mind famous. I just don’t want to be infamous.
Flat Tony getting run over by a steam roller.
Flat tony might enjoy that too much. He’s been through worse
Then it might just straighten him out . . .
What about hooking him up to some air at the gas station?
HA HA HA HA!!! Okay, I won’t go overboard.
I’ll put on my thinking cap and get with you if I come up with any bad ideas.
I’m sure you have some left over gags from the old YNB blog
Ha,ha,ha!
U laughing with me or at me?
With You! HA! HA! HA!
Hahahaha… wait, what are we doing again?
We are calling all our friends and sending them over here to laugh at me.
LOVE IT!
We’re gonna be rich, Bearman!!
WE just need to make sure that we stay “grounded”…
Ha! See how I did that? Sooo Reader’s Digest comic-worthy!
“Grounded”. That’s more Geologists Digest than Readers Digest
Only a man of your talents could intentionally suck so well…Kudos on a job—done…
How about 2 fish swimming around in the Gulf of Mexico…One turns to the other and says, “I gotta admit—whatever this stuff is, it helps keep me regular…”
Or one has acne and says “I wonder why I keep breaking out”
Other: “oily skin”
Badumdum.
haha—even better…I mean ‘worse’…
have you seen my glasses?
(on his head)
Ah that sucks.
Well it’s an idea of sorts. lol
Sucks is good. We like sucks. Now if you wanted funny maybe we have him doing that while working in an eye glass store.
that would be awesome.
Sheez and here I was thinking the comments were all going to be of a sexual nature? Disappointment indeed
YOu somehow have me mistaken for Susi’s blog.
Shhh she’s still sleeping…hangover
When will she learn she can’t run with the big dogs.
My mother told me to pull up my boot straps. I would look down and think, ‘I don’t have any boot straps?’ Then she’d knee me in the nose and say, ‘And you never will.’
Mother is very confusing and violent.
And that’s how Brad ended up being raised by a pack of wolves.
That’s me man that’s me. Good one Bearmn.
If that is you, please step away from the computer and call 911.
How about this one if you’re looking for inspiration -
“Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.”
There’s enough smutty potential in there to keep loon happy
That is awful…but my mind is racing now. Thanks
I’ve just been over at Lynn’s, love the tee shirt you made for Rip!
ooh…I was traveling yesterday and missed it. Need to head over.
well, i must say that i’m liking your wife more and more these days. you gotta respect a woman that will let you know exactly how she feels.
Why? Why do you have to respect that. Why can’t she respect my need to be humored all the time?
you have a mirror for that.
But that only let’s me tell myself how great I am. Where is the outward love?
This is great, Bearman. You whipped the creative minds into a frenzy. I’ll be trying to think of something unReader’s Digest worthy . . . the game is afoot.
Bring it Dan!
LOL! I loved the cartoon, Bearman. I’m going to share it with my own Mom who has always maintained that my head wasn’t screwed on right. Now I’ll have proof that my head’s at least screwed on tight enough to stay put.
Tell your mom to come here and see there are plenty of people around here that have more than one screw loose. Glad you liked it.
I hated brussel sprouts as a kid and would always turn my nose up when they appeared on my plate. My mum’s constant rebuke when i wouldn’t eat anything she served up was to remind me of the millions of starving Africans in the world who would be glad of the food I was refusing to eat.
One day, sick of hearing about these bloody Africans, I said any of them that wanted these fucken brussel sprouts were welcome to them. – I got a clip round the ears for that remark !
I have yet to meet someone who really loves brussel sprouts. I told my mom. I don’t like them, you don’t like them…why do you still serve them?
oh man, brussel sprouts are my second fav veggie to rutabagas. Mmmmmmm…. i love all cruciferours veggies.
cruciferous is too close to crusty or crucified. Neither is a good thing.
This is hilarious! I have to see a collection of rejected RD material!
It’s a frustrating magazine, because I DID try some of the pun humor that they have often used. I hated it (my own stuff). So, I tried a new twist, and it actually worked.
RD UPDATE: I had two comics held – which I assumed meant “picked up”. I found out they now go through another editorial process, so I’m not clear on what that means for me. Are they sold? I think so, but I took down my post about being in RD for sure, because now I’m a little confused. I’m sure I’ll keep you updated on Ramblings. In the meantime, I’m still submitting gobs of material to them.
Keep submitting, Bearman! I have the direct contact if you would like. I have seen (no offense to any other cartoonist in RD) comics in there that aren’t nearly as good as yours!
BTW – I can relate to the joke submissions as well. My dad, Dennis Fakes, has been in the magazine about four times. He has a massive rejection joke collection as well (I’m guessing)!
Four times??? Your dad is probably retiring on his RD residuals.
I picked one up at the store the other day and thumbed through looking for your cartoon. Keep us posted.
Google his names and you’ll find a ton of jokes and quotes. He submitted a lot in the 80′s, so I’m guessing the residuals are in the upper-millions by now.
Was this one of his?
“Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble. “
Ha Ha Brilliant & so true to life. My Mum used to say the same thing to me
And look how you turned out.
See it’s true
Yes, that was one of dad’s
It’s also why I have a middle name
If you are catholic you are lucky enough to have 2 middle names.
can you please do a series of these?
like one with someone’s eyes permanently crossed. and one with a poked out eye from running with scissors?
thanks in advance
Perfect. On it.
This IS a dumb cartoon, but I love it. Knowing me, I would probably actually use it. You know how I do.
But would you pay me for it?
Oh, I like this one… but now I’m thinking light-bulbs too. Maybe just put his head on a lamp-post… walking lamp-posts… I think there’s too much going on. I’ll lose my head soon if I don’t screw it on tight…
You are no Dim Wit.
THis has happened to me. I swear.
We want pictures then.
Hahaha … I’m gonna’ remove myself from the discussion. It just wouldn’t be fair. I’m FULL of rejectable ideas (it’s my one true talent, ya’ know)!
That’s just the lazy way out. Well OK..it’s fitting.